Tanya’s Tips for Taking Better Dick Pics

There are a lot of people on the internet having opinions about whether or not a guy ought to slide into someone’s DMs with a picture of his dick (quick summary: no, not unless invited to do so), but insufficient information about how to take a good one. This tweet sums up the situation nicely:

For a brief period of my life, I engaged in casual sexual encounters with men I met on the internet, and in that context, I didn’t mind receiving a dick pic prior to firming up (heh heh) our appointment. Nothing’s worse than that first disappointing look at sub-standard equipment. But I have to say that most of the photos I got didn’t really sell the goods. So here are Tanya’s Tips for Taking Better Dick Pics:

🌟 Take your pants off: All the way off. Don’t just push them down far enough to get to the goods. Nothing says “I’ll be zipped up and out the door before you even know I was there” like a guy who can’t get bother to get undressed for the money shot

🌟 One word: foreshortening: Don’t take a picture of your dick pushed straight out in front of you from above. It looks like it’s about 2 inches long with no head on it. Try to get the camera eye-level with it from the side

🌟 Go hands-free: Keep your hand out of the shot as much as possible. Your hand is subtracting length

🌟 Be hard: All the way hard. How does this not go without saying?

🌟 There shouldn’t be anyone else in your photo: Here’s my reaction to people with unrecognizable faces: “Oh she loved it. Gee, I bet I’ll love it too. Too bad I can’t see it because it’s buried in her mouth/pussy. Hey, maybe I should fuck her. She looks like a good lay.” Here’s my reaction to people with recognizable faces: “Like you’ve got a chance in hell of getting near me with a camera.”

🌟 Learn to measure: You don’t get to start from your anus. We know you’re lying anyway, but when you send a measurement and a photo in the same email, we have proof. You might also want to re-think having anything in the background of the picture that overshadows your dick. The above-mentioned Pringles can, for instance

🌟 Give it some grooming: Now, I’m not insisting on a totally-bare prepubescent look, but if there’s hair crawling up the shaft, it’s time to get out the weed whacker. If nothing else, shaving will add an inch

🌟 Consider whether this is really your best asset: Some of those dicks are damn ugly. Why are you so proud of them? I’m talking shriveled, bumpy, tiny-headed, discolored, crooked monstrosities. Maybe go with your strengths and leave your dick as a surprise

🌟 I don’t believe you: Back in my dick pic days, I would occasionally receive a photo of a big, well-formed, smooth cock at hard attention attached to a gleaming tan torso with washboard abs. Those were nice photos, but the emails they were attached to went straight into the trash. Men who send male-model-quality photos don’t show up to fuck, because their photos come from porn sites, not from their own personages. So if you really do look like a porn star, I suggest including a sign in your photo with your username or the username of the person you’re sending it to. Just make sure it doesn’t block any of the good bits

Remember, a dick doesn’t have to be pretty to do its job (or big either), but if you’re going to flash it around, make the most of it. I leave you with one of the nicest dick pics I’ve seen in a while. This dick came dressed to play, damn. Jewelry aside, it’s just nice. (link is NSFW) https://twitter.com/RiclvsU/status/568379922345037824