You totally saw this coming, didn’t you?

Yeah, so I fucked that up. I bet you’re not surprised. Graham wasn’t surprised either, just disappointed. Like he’s my father or something.

I didn’t fuck it up right away, so fuck you if you were betting on one day before I gave in and got off. I made it, like, five. Almost. And we had a lot of sex, just like Graham had figured we would if I kept my own hand off my dick. He was real courteous about it too, asking me what position I wanted to fuck in, giving me a reach-around or even a blowie if I hadn’t gotten off by the time he did, blah blah. The perfect top.

It was everything I could’ve asked for, and he seemed happy enough too, but … I don’t know. After a few days, this kind of restless itching set into my skin. It was everything I could’ve asked for, but it wasn’t what I wanted and it wasn’t like Graham wouldn’t have given me what I wanted if I could’ve told him what that was, but I couldn’t. Because I didn’t know. Which meant it all came out sideways.

We spent Saturday in a full-on blowout about chores that ended with him screaming “I thought you were submissive” and me screaming “I thought you were dominant” and then he pulled me over his lap and gave me a spanking. It was the first time in a long time he’d done that and my nerve endings just flared to life. At first I was fighting him, because I was mad about all that chore stuff, like he makes more money and works more hours so I should be doing this and that to save him the trouble. Yeah, right. That’s not how it works. I’m submissive, not a servant.

Anyway, I was still caught up in that head space at first, but once he got a few smacks landed, my switch flipped pretty quickly and I realized that this was what I’d wanted. I was into it and he was into it and after he’d tanned my hide pretty good, he tied me spread-eagle on the bed face up and fucked me. And I was into that too, like I hadn’t been into it all week.

And then he just walked away—left me tied up, said I didn’t need to get mine. I was thrashing around, trying to get friction from pure air, cursing at him to come back and finish what he’d started, but kind of loving it all at the same time, my ass all hot and red against the sheets and my dick bobbing around, this little string of pre-come flying like a lasso as I circled my hips in search of what I needed.

After a while he untied me and I ended up giving him a blowjob and he jerked me off and we went to bed happy and I thought, “Okay, I can do this. That was only a few days and I have this addiction, so it’ll get better. It’ll get better. We’ll get back to where we belong.”

It was his fault everything fell apart, not mine. He had to go into work today, which happens to be a Sunday. And there I am with nothing in the world to do. Graham would say I could’ve done the laundry or made dinner, but fuck that. I’m still not his house boy, no matter how many times he spanks my ass.

So I called a friend. I played Xbox. I thought about going to the gym—I really did—but it’s super cold out.

You know what I did. Of course I did. I pulled up Pornhub and found some good daddy porn (no way is Graham my daddy but that shit’s hot) which somehow led to gang bang porn. Next thing I know, I’m watching come ooze out of some slut’s asshole after a few fresh loads got blown in there.

Graham used to come inside me until I started complaining about it. Taking a load sounds hot and for sure looks hot on the screen. I don’t mind watching come oozing out of somebody else’s ass, but five minutes after you finish it’s not that hot anymore, not when it’s your own asshole running like a leaking faucet. It’s degrading and filthy and you can’t forget what happened to you, like this guy owns your insides or something.

So now Graham usually pulls out and finishes himself off with his hand like I asked him to. Usually. And when he doesn’t, it’s game on. You don’t want to be the guy who disrespected me after I’ve gotten off because that shit’s no longer fun once my dick is down.

Anyway, back to today. I figured he was one orgasm up on me from that stunt he pulled leaving me tied to the bed, so if I jerked one out, that’d make us even, and we could still get it on when he got home. If he was even in the mood, which maybe he wouldn’t be after working all day on a fucking Sunday. I pretty much had to jerk off or run the risk of not coming at all, and you know I’m not about that.

This cumdump in the video was getting it deep from one guy after another. Watching the come leaking out of his hole made me think maybe I should tell Graham it’d be okay tonight, but then I came (which, OK, that was the second time I came if you’re keeping count, because first I got off to the daddy porn) and it was just like always. The thought wasn’t a turn on anymore. In fact, it just seemed kind of gross.

Turned out Graham was in the mood for sex when he got home and when I said I wasn’t, he accused me of wanking all afternoon and then I maybe accused him of abandoning me and a whole bunch of shit went back and forth and then he tried to spank me again, but when you’re not in the mood for sex you’re definitely not in the mood for kinky sex.

He might be a top, but he’s not the kind of guy who’s going to force me when no means no, so he just stalked away and it was another one of those evenings where we tried to pretend we didn’t live in the same apartment. Then we had another one of those talks where I promised to be good, except I don’t think either of us believed it this time and we didn’t fuck after. We just went to the bedroom and laid there pretending to sleep.

He did fall asleep eventually, but I couldn’t sleep for shit so I got up and came in here and logged on to the computer.

I’m not proud of what happened next, but in my defense it was hours later. Like, when Graham was wanting to get it on, I wasn’t in the mood right then, see, but it’s hours later now and I’m a guy and it’s night time and I’m trying to get to sleep, so what am I going to do but put on some porn? And I’m sitting there jerking off and when I finish I turn around and there’s Graham standing in the doorway and, like I said, he didn’t look surprised so much as disappointed.

All he said was, “This stops now,” and then he went back to bed. So now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what stops now. The relationship?

Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.

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