Ari scrolled through the menus on the screen hanging high on his bedroom wall, keeping one eye on the man next to him as he did. Joel was chewing on his thumb, showing more interest in it than in which program Ari chose, even though it’d been his idea to put something on. They were in matching foam chairs, low to the floor, Joel’s the same bright blue as his eyes, Ari’s a forest green that didn’t match his own brown eyes at all, and Ari could’ve reached right over and touched him except they were only friends and that would be weird.
He clicked on the next suggestion without reading it, wincing when it turned out to be a K-POP documentary. That was what came from sharing his sister’s account. Joel didn’t even seem to notice when bright, bouncing music filled the room, backing a babble of high-pitched voices. His head was scrunched down into his shoulders and he was nibbling on that thumb like it was made of chocolate.
Something was bothering him, but Ari didn’t know how to ask what. Joel was usually the more upbeat of the two of them—quick to smile, easy to get along with—but Ari had guessed before that there was more going on in his head than he let show. It was noticeable in how carefully he watched everyone around him, how eagerly he jumped to agree with them.
The documentary played in the background, noise to cover up their silence, but neither of them was looking at the television. Joel was looking at his thumb, and Ari was looking at him. He had the wispiest blond hair, smooth and shiny like a baby’s, as soft and light as dandelion fuzz, a contrast to Ari’s dark hair that got bristly if he let it grow too long. He tried to imagine what Joel’s hair would feel like between his fingers. Maybe so soft it wouldn’t feel like anything at all.
And now Joel had made his thumb bleed, and Ari was imagining sucking it into his mouth, licking it clean. He cleared his throat and looked away. “Is this what you want to watch?”
“Huh?” Joel glanced up at the screen where eight young women in matching pink mini-skirts and sheer white blouses were gyrating in synchronized choreography. “I mean, sure. If it’s what you want to watch.”
Ari shrugged. He didn’t care about gyrating girls. “Seems like you’ve got something else on your mind.”
“Not really.” Joel stuck his thumb back in his mouth and sucked a fresh drop of blood off it. “I was just… wondering about something.”
“You know that party?”
“The one at school?” They were graduating tomorrow, and to keep them all from killing themselves by drinking and driving, their high school had organized a party on the premises. Good, clean, supervised fun. Yay!
“No, the other one. Kevin’s.”
“Oh.” He’d heard about the party at Kevin’s. They were all invited, supposedly, but Ari doubted he was wanted and didn’t plan to put it to the test. Joel wasn’t quite in with the in-crowd, but he was a lot closer to it than Ari. The only reason they’d gotten to know each other these last few months was because they’d both been accepted to the same college and had put in to be roommates next year. When you didn’t know anyone, even someone you knew only a little felt like a safety net, and it turned out they got along really well. But there was a lot between them that was different—like how Joel fit in better. Like how he wanted to fit in better.
“I don’t think I’m going to Kevin’s,” he told Joel.
“Maybe I shouldn’t either.”
“There’ll probably be drinking.”
Joel pulled his neck even deeper into his shoulders, which Ari wouldn’t have thought was possible, and stuck his thumb in his mouth again. This time, it didn’t even look like he was sucking blood off it. More like he was just sucking it.
“I heard there might be other things too,” he mumbled around it.
“Like what? Drugs?”
“You ever heard of a lollipop party?”
“Oh.” Ari turned his attention back to the television. He didn’t want to think about lollipop parties or Joel being at them. “That’s where they blindfold you and some girl sucks your dick and then you’re supposed to guess which one it was by the color of her lipstick, right?”
“Or maybe a lot of girls suck your dick and all their lipsticks makes rings like a lollipop. I’m not sure.”
“So you’ve never been to one before?”
“No.” Joel’s evident anxiety might mean he was disgusted by the idea, or it might mean he was excited by the idea. “Have you?”
“Nah, not my thing. I don’t want some random girl sucking my dick.” He didn’t want any girl sucking his dick, but that wasn’t something he’d shared with the class yet.
“So you wouldn’t do it?” Joel asked. “If some girl wanted to…”
“Not at a party like that with just whoever stepped up. What if I didn’t like them? What if when the blindfold came off and I saw who’d been chewing on my dick, it made me gag?”
“I mean, it’s your dick, dude. If you just want to get a mouth on it…”
“Yeah?” Joel prompted.
“If anybody can suck your dick and it’s all the same, then it could be a guy. It could be me. We could skip the party and suck each other’s dicks.”
Joel’s thumb popped out of his mouth. “We could?”
“Not literally,” Ari backpedaled. “I mean, I’m not asking you to suck my dick. Ha ha.” His attempt at a laugh was pretty weak. “I’m just saying… you know what I’m saying.”
Joel seemed disappointed. Why had Ari taken back what he’d said? He’d be psyched to suck Joel’s dick. Or for Joel to suck his. Either way, sign him up. But there was college coming up, and being stuck with Joel as his roommate, not to mention they’d become pretty good friends even though Ari crushed on him. He didn’t want to ruin any of that or have Joel rat him out to the rest of their class right when he was about to get away from them all.
“I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked,” Joel said dreamily, like he’d been thinking on it. “Probably feels good.”
“So go to the party.”
Joel shook his head. “I’d be too embarrassed.”
“Why, is your dick really small? You can tell me.” This was safer territory—teasing a guy about having undersized equipment, not that he cared how big Joel’s dick was. He’d be happy to suck it at any size.
“It’s weird,” Joel said instead of teasing back.
Joel’s dick was weird? Come to think of it, Ari had never seen it before, not even a quick peek at the urinal. “What’s so weird about it?”
Joel didn’t answer.
“Oh, come on. How weird can it be?”
Still no answer, only a deepening blush.
“Show me,” Ari suggested. “I’ll tell you if it’s weird. No lies.”
Joel looked around like he was checking to see if anyone was lurking in the corners of the room, but it was just the two of them with the door shut so Ari’s sister wouldn’t bug them. And now Ari was really curious. He held his breath as Joel reached into the waistband of his floppy shorts, down through whatever layers he had on beneath them, and pulled out a dick. A normal, uncircumcised dick as far as Ari could see. A decent size, considering it was soft, with the head tucked deep inside a foreskin that came almost to a point.
“Dude, that’s just a dick.”
Joel stuffed it back in his shorts. “I’m not circumcised,” he announced, as if that hadn’t been obvious.
“Is that what you’re worried about? Probably a quarter of the guys in our class aren’t circumcised.”
“Really?” Joel’s surprise only went to show that he didn’t spend near as much time looking at dicks as Ari did. “I’ve heard some girls think it’s gross, though.”
“Yeah, well, who cares what they think?” Oh, right. That was what Joel was worried about, that if he took his dick out at a lollipop party, he’d be made fun of. Or rejected. Maybe none of the girls would want to put their lips around him. Ari understood the problem now. “Your foreskin retracts when you’re hard, right? You can peel it back?”
Joel nodded because Ari knew what he was talking about. He didn’t have a foreskin himself, but he’d watched more than a few videos featuring men who did.
“So just make sure you’re hard first, before you take it out of your pants.”
“I don’t know if I would be, though.”
“Because of being nervous?”
“Because of that and the other thing you said—about not wanting some random girl to suck me off. If I thought I was getting a blowjob from someone I wanted to get one from, I’d be plenty hard.” Joel adjusted his dick, like maybe it was bulking up right now. Ari tried to keep himself from eyeing Joel’s crotch, but he couldn’t, not with Joel’s hand cupped protectively around it and the way his thumb was brushing back and forth over the silky fabric of his shorts.
“Um,” Ari said, because he’d forgotten what they were talking about. “You, uh…”
“I should probably just not go to the party, right?”
“Yeah, right. That seems easiest.”
“You’re not going, right?”
“Right.” Ari peeled his eyes away from the gentle fondling Joel was giving himself and adjusted his own dick as discreetly as he could. On the screen, the eight nubile young women had been replaced by six equally nubile young men, which was the last thing he needed. He followed the movements of their hips while he tried to think of something to say to ease the tension in the room.
“Just thought I could get my dick wet,” Joel said, the words too fall of bravado to be believable coming from him. “You ever?”
“Once.” An encounter under the bleachers with a rival school’s shortstop who’d gone to his knees for him in the dusty, litter-strewn darkness.
“And it was good?”
“Well, yes.” The experience had been… less than satisfying. Very close to a lollipop party in terms of emotional attachment to his partner. The shortstop had made it clear he could be had, and Ari had had him. Their relationship had ended in the same patch of dirt where it’d began. But he couldn’t deny it’d felt good. It’d been his first blowjob but not, he would guess, the shortstop’s. There’d been some deft handling, a lot of warm wetness, and an orgasm that’d left him wishing there’d been more behind it.
“Then how come you don’t want to do it again?” Joel asked.
“I told you: I don’t want some random girl sucking my dick.” Sure, he had let a random guy do it, but what he really wanted was someone non-random, someone he could hold and kiss after.
“I wonder what it feels like.”
“To get your dick sucked?” He didn’t think he could describe it, not to Joel.
“Or to suck one either. Let’s say a girl is going down on you. What’s she thinking? Does it hurt? Does it taste funny? Does she like it?”
“You’re worried about the girl?” That was nice. Most of the guys Ari heard talking about getting blown weren’t worrying about whether or not the girl would enjoy it, only about how to make them do it. But Joel was nice. Of course, he’d consider his partner’s feelings. “I think, sometimes, depending, you know… I think people do like it.”
“You ever done it?”
It was a good thing Ari hadn’t been eating anything, because he would’ve choked to death. How was he supposed to answer that question? Truthfully? Because truthfully, the answer was yes. He hadn’t let the shortstop walk away without returning the favor.
“You’re talking about getting my dick sucked, right?”
“Either way.” For the first time since they’d sat down, Joel turned his head in Ari’s direction, and Ari felt those blue eyes go right through him.
“Um. I don’t really…”
“Because we could try it, since I never have and it’s like what you said before. Instead of going to that party, we could just blow each other.”
“I said that if you don’t care who sucks your dick, then we might as well… You know what? Yes.” Because, yes. Of course, yes. Why was he arguing? Yes. “But.”
But a million things. What if Joel wasn’t serious? What if he tried it and hated it and blamed Ari for making him do it? What if he was just doing it to practice and once he got comfortable taking his dick out, he’d move on to taking it out for girls? What if Ari got his heart broken?
He’d been staring at the television as if he was interested in hearing the answers to questions like “How does it feel to be an international sensation?” when the only sensation he was interested in was Joel’s mouth on his dick, but he turned his head and met those blue eyes now.
“Do you really want to?”
Joel nodded. More than once. He was sitting cross-legged, and his dick stuck out like he had a baseball bat in his pants. There was a different grin spreading across his face than the one Ari was accustomed to seeing there—a goofy, giddy thing.
“Can I show you my dick again?” Joel asked. “It’s better now.”
“It was fine before,” Ari started to say, but his words trailed off when Joel shucked his shorts and underwear in a single wriggle, because yeah, that was better. Not because the foreskin had peeled back to reveal the tender pink head beneath it, but because Joel was hard. And naked. And touching himself.
“You’re right,” Joel said. “It does look normal like this.”
“It’s normal the other way too. That’s how you were made.” But he didn’t really have the energy for a lecture right now, as much as Joel needed one. Ari could teach Joel to love his dick by loving it himself. “It’s okay for me to touch you, right?”
“Well, duh.” Joel wagged his cock back and forth like a windshield wiper, and Ari’s eyes followed along, mesmerized. That was definitely a pretty dick. The foreskin still curled slightly over the head, making a smooth transition rather than the flared-helmet look his own cock had when it was hard.
He reached one hand into his pants to fondle his rapidly growing erection as he captured Joel’s cock with the other, stilling its motion, wrestling it away from Joel’s fingers to take full possession of it. He didn’t want to make Joel self-conscious about his foreskin, but he really wanted to play with it. This was only the second dick, other than his own, he’d ever touched and definitely the first uncircumcised one.
“I think it’s hot,” he said as he tried rolling the foreskin up to cover the head again.
“You do?” Joel seemed to like having his foreskin played with based on the breathy quality of his voice.
“Yeah, I mean it’s a cock, right. I like cocks.” He picked his head up to see how Joel would react to that, but Joel had his eyes mostly closed. “If you like cocks, then you have to like all their parts. That’s what I figure.”
“But you’re circumcised, right?”
“Well, yeah, but that’s my religion. Doesn’t mean everyone has to be the same as me. I like this.” He tightened his grip for the next stroke, moving all the way from root to tip this time. “I like you.” Was that too much? They’d talked about giving each other blowjobs but there’d been a “no homo” vibe to the agreement. “I’m going to suck it now, okay?” Because his mouth couldn’t get him in trouble if it was full of Joel’s dick.
He stretched himself out on his stomach in front of Joel and pulled his cock down to meet his mouth. It was so perfectly hard, a little damp where the foreskin normally covered it, sweetly pink and surrounded by a profusion of curls as blond and fine as the hair on Joel’s head. When Ari had gone down on the boy under the bleachers, it’d been dark and quick. This was nicer. He couldn’t see a whole lot other than Joel’s pubes, because he was too shy to tip his eyes up, but at least he didn’t have to rush.
He slurped lazily, propped up on his elbows with his chin tucked into his chest, not trying to take too much at once. He’d tried to swallow all of the shortstop’s cock in a single gulp and had come off choking. Lesson learned.
“I’m probably not very good at this,” he admitted, pulling off for a moment to hazard a quick upward glance.
“Feels good to me,” Joel said. “Kinda like I figured it would, only better. I like watching you do it too. But you wanna, um, get on the bed or something?”
Getting on the bed seemed really… serious. Not like a dare gone wrong or an accidental oops while they were watching K-POP. Getting on the bed was intentional. But Ari had a crick in his neck and he’d barely gotten started, so yeah, they should do that.
He popped up to his feet and reached down to offer Joel a hand up too. Joel’s t-shirt fell past his waist, so all Ari could see was a stretch of vivid blue fabric and the bobbing cock sticking out beneath it. Sort of silly, sort of hot, thoroughly adorable. A wildly hopeful part of Ari’s heart imagined a future where the two of them shared a dorm room and Joel walked around like this all the time.
But, okay, focus. Suck Joel’s dick, do a good job, convince him boys were better than girls, that he never needed to go in search of someone to go down on him when he had Ari right there, at the ready.
He pushed Joel back on the bed, eager to get to it, and positioned one of the foam chairs where he could kneel on it. He planned to be there for a while, to really make it good. But he’d hardly even begun before Joel was thrusting up his hips, moaning and groaning, maybe loud enough for Ari’s sister to hear but he didn’t really give a fuck because this was amazing. Sucking the boy under the bleachers had been nothing like this. Joel was so excited, so responsive, as if Ari really knew what he was doing even though he was totally making it up as he went.
“I think I’m going to come,” Joel said, as if that wasn’t the whole point. “I think I have to. Soon, soon. Soon,” he repeated, meaning now, because there was a new wetness and a new taste in Ari’s mouth. With the shortstop, he’d pulled off, but he wanted Joel’s come, was excited to see if it tasted any different than his own. It didn’t, but it was hotter and filled his mouth up until he swallowed and the slickness rolled down his throat.
Holy shit. He’d just gone down on his friend, on his soon-to-be roommate. This was either really, really good or really, really bad.
“Are you staying down there?” Joel asked.
Maybe. When he got to his feet, the blood rushed into his legs and in particular into his cock. He wasn’t sure where Joel thought he ought to be instead of down there, but Joel opened up his arms and oh, that was nice. Ari crawled in between them. They rolled into each other in a big bear hug that felt really good, especially since Ari’s dick was now rubbing along Joel’s thigh.
“What do you think?” he asked nervously.
“I’d better try it the other way before I say for sure. You ready for that?”
“Whenever you are.” Like now.
“Lemme just catch my breath. But, Ari?”
“I’m really looking forward to next year.”
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